forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
