I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
