I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
