I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
