Where did you get a picture of my penis
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
