i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
