im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
