I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
