I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
