I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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