i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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