We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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