My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
