I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
