Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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