She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
