This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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