She is in my trunk
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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