Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
