She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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