She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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