John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
