I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
