Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
