Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
