I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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