the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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