The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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