YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sober January is a disaster.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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