You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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