also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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