watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
