I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
