Ambien. No doubt about it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
