Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
