I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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