In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
