Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
