I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
