Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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