Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Panties = found
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
