I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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