As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
True but thats because hes a fetus.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
