why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
