i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
