so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
