I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
