she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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