I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
