I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod