shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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