i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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