I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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