oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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