I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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