I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
