we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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