some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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