I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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