wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
one might say we're banned from that church
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
