We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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