Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
