i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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