You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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