I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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