Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
