i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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