is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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