Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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