can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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