if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
