Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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