i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
