so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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