there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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